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i don’t know what’s going on with me lately. i’m still not anywhere near my old self – things feel like they’re sliding. i don’t think it’s the pill i’m on right now because all of this started last week, but if it is – this could last a few months which i don’t think i can handle. my body is always warm or hot, my eyes are always warm, i’m nauseated to the point i cannot get out of the house, i’m spinning and my insides feel fuzzy, i’m moody and quiet, i can’t eat until later at night and when i eat, i only like apples. mum still says everyone is going through it (like it’s the time of the year thing) but i don’t think so. it doesn’t feel right. sticking that thing down my throat every morning hasn’t exactly been a thrill ride either. i don’t know whether it’s all worth it. i am never like this and i don’t want to be like this but i guess i have to wait to see which is a pain in the ass. it makes me feel like a whiny bitch with a paranoia problem, but i think we all know when something’s not going right in our bodies.

i haven’t been able to get in touch with my dad the past few days also. he’s somewhere in asia – where we’re not sure, but his phone is on the fritz and doesn’t connect so we can’t tell.

i’m still waiting on my camera to come in, maybe this week. the film and fresh batteries has been sitting in my room for a few weeks now.

back to the eternal ‘bliss’ of work. ugh.

so there’s nothing really new to report here today. i’ve been trying to get out and shoot a roll of film this weekend but so far i haven’t found the inspiration and the weather hasnt really been good for me. i’m still kinda sick, it’s not the flu i don’t think because i haven’t started to sneeze or anything. but i’m healthy enough to run around with my sister, so that’s pretty good. (wanting to pass out in the middle of trader vic’s though isn’t cool)

i keep forgetting it’s my birthday in a few weeks, i think i really want to forget it this year so i probably won’t mention it again. i think it makes me sad to think that this time last year Regan was here. that freaks me out – that so much time has gone by and we’re still sitting on the opposite sides of the world. ok, i better stop talking about it before i really get psychotic.

getting back to talking about photographs, i’ve been wanting a little bit of constructive criticism lately but i think maybe other people don’t want to give that to me. that’s okay because i tend to be my worst critic. my book idea is still cultivating in my head – a collection of photographs to start with.. then a mini book of portraits, a mini book of colour, a mini book of black and white. all being a mixture of film and digital.. that’s what i’ll aim for for now. i’m going to give myself til i turn 26 to do at least one thing with it which is a long enough and reasonable time frame. there’s no use forcing what’s probably not ready yet.

Regan and i redesigned his journal tonight, looks pretty cool and there’s nothing much to it other than his artwork and me putting it into a layout. i love to work with his graphics, he’s always inspired me in some way. i can’t wait to see what he does with the domain but i know not to rush him with it. it’s important to me that someone doesn’t feel obliged to follow the current of what’s being done.

it’s getting colder each night, i don’t like it.