define('DISABLE_WP_CRON', true);{"id":4540,"date":"2012-08-29T15:12:27","date_gmt":"2012-08-29T05:12:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sh1ft.org\/blog\/?p=4540"},"modified":"2012-08-29T15:14:18","modified_gmt":"2012-08-29T05:14:18","slug":"stuck-on-a-feeling","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/sh1ft.org\/blog\/4540\/","title":{"rendered":"stuck on a feeling"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/chrispiascik.com\/2012\/04\/goin-nowhere-fast\/\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/sh1ft.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/goingnowherefast.jpg\" alt=\"\" title=\"goingnowherefast\" width=\"480\" height=\"479\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-4542\" srcset=\"http:\/\/sh1ft.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/goingnowherefast.jpg 480w, http:\/\/sh1ft.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/goingnowherefast-150x150.jpg 150w, http:\/\/sh1ft.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/goingnowherefast-300x300.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 480px) 100vw, 480px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m working hard at changing the way I think about myself. <\/p>\n<p>When I was asked last week, to list 5 positive things about myself, I couldn&#8217;t do it. Isn&#8217;t that terrible? <em>I know there are good things about me and things that I know I&#8217;m good at<\/em>, but when it comes to saying the words and committing it to paper, I just couldn&#8217;t. It&#8217;s becoming a problem when it comes to pursuing personal projects that I love, which is why I&#8217;m probably going to be in therapy a little while longer&#8230; To figure out why, and to learn how to move forward, and keep moving forward, without a knot in my stomach, with my face tense and my toes curled. I could give you 5 excuses about why my photography sucks. I can tell you 5 people that do everything better than I can. I worked in a job for 11 years but never mentioned the company name here or to my friends. <\/p>\n<p>I don&#8217;t know why I&#8217;m like this, but I know it&#8217;s not how I want to live the rest of my life. So much has happened in the last year, and I think this problem has been around longer than that, but hasn&#8217;t been around my whole life. <\/p>\n<p>I think other people feel this way too &#8211; and it&#8217;s not &#8216;being shy&#8217;. The inability to give yourself credit and be proud of your work, to show it off to others and not feel sick about the feedback you get. I wish I had that again. I know I had it before, and I want to know where it went. <\/p>\n<p>Chantelle wrote that <a href=\"http:\/\/fatmumslim.com.au\/getting-over-myself\/\">this fear is paralysing<\/a>, and  I relate to it &#8211; but I have no idea what I&#8217;m afraid of. Being successful? The attention? Asking people to look at what I have to offer? Even with writing this blog post, I want to slap myself and not post this because I&#8217;m sounding CRAZY and no one should be bothered with such crap from a 31 year woman. But the 3rd person in me says it will be good to get this out, to be honest and to recognise that what i&#8217;m feeling is real. And that it&#8217;s not going away if I ignore it. <\/p>\n<p>So here I am trying not to ignore it, and hoping that everything will get a bit clearer to me soon. <\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/chrispiascik.com\/2012\/04\/goin-nowhere-fast\/\">Image Source<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;m working hard at changing the way I think about myself. When I was asked last week, to list 5 positive things about myself, I couldn&#8217;t do it. Isn&#8217;t that terrible? I know there are good things about me and things that I know I&#8217;m good at, but when it comes to saying the words [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[31],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4540","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-inside-out"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sh1ft.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4540","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sh1ft.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sh1ft.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sh1ft.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sh1ft.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4540"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"http:\/\/sh1ft.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4540\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4547,"href":"http:\/\/sh1ft.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4540\/revisions\/4547"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sh1ft.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4540"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sh1ft.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4540"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sh1ft.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4540"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}