sh1ft.org : teleport me back 5 weeks please ...

Wednesday 20 October 2004
teleport me back 5 weeks please ...

i'm ready to go back on vacation. seriously.

i guess it's that post-holiday feeling, where you find out you can't just walk down to the beach or take a cab somewhere you've never been, whenever you want. where every day you don't have a plan, don't know what new thing you'll learn that day, you don't need to scrub the kitchen floor or clean the toilet on a sunday or wake up to your alarm clock that's set to the exact same time each morning.

and i guess it doesn't help that i've been back at work for two days and already had a (psycho?) client call me up after hours and threaten me over the phone (*) and made you and your work feel, literally, worthless. and that on the first full day of being back in front of the computer, all your arthritis-y pains, head spins, eye aches and nausea from the computer screens are back.

thinking and typing about it right now, this is probably the same 'funk' i was in 2, 3, 4, 5 months ago when i realised i needed a change. the vacation was a temporary one. a fantastic, life changing temporary one. maybe it really is time for me to jump into something else? the motivation to do it, and the confidence to pull it off escapes me though. while i think and dream about a more glamorous and fun life 'out there', i really have doubts about my ability to actually do it.

the thing is, i know in another 2, 3, 4 or 5 months i'll be right back here bitching as per usual. i know i'm not happy, i don't feel like my time is being used wisely. the trip showed me there are so many people and places i want to see, and that i belong out there with you guys. i don't like being inside all day, that the only travel i get mon-thurs is from the bedroom to the bathroom to the kitchen to the computer. ugh.

the photograph i've posted above is from a series of beach photos at myrtle beach i took about 3 weeks ago. the full series won't be up for at least another week or so (i'm trying to post in the order i took them on vacation), but it's a perfect example of why/where i want to be. it's not just about the beach or the sunrise, or even 'that moment' i was in. it's all of it. what it took to get there, and why i was there in the first place. oh man, i'm a bit sad aren't i?

so now, what do i do? what's next?

travel photographer? (good luck getting that job) shopping mall, santa photographer? waitress? retail? international bum? eternal tourist? shut up tracey, you're lucky as it is?

help me! 2005 can be a totally different world for me, and i really hope it is.

(*) it's all good. hopefully he's calmed way down by now and we've let him go on his way. not a pleasant guy, or a lovely experience.

Replies: messages (12)

i would LOVE to be an eternal tourist. lol. retail sucks, and i've only worked one job of it for a short amount of time to know it. :(

i think what you should do is just do something you know you'd have fun doing, even if it doesn't pay as much / is more difficult of a job to get, etc.. rather than doing something boring / lame / disappointing / depressing / stressful / etc... you only get to live life once, so make the most of it, you know? :)

good luck tracey! your photographs are great, by the way, and i'm sure your portfolio would blow people away.

Posted by shar @ 20 october 2004 11:26 AM AEST

I say follow your dreams Tracey. Your spirit will thank you for it, rather than being held in at a 9-5 job. Expressing yourself through photos in your area is one thing, but expressing yourself while you're EXPERIENCING something is another. :)

Good luck!

Posted by susan @ 20 october 2004 03:56 PM AEST

i'm in the same boat. i've worked in IT (boring IT, not creative IT) for 5 years and i've had enough. i've let my house out and i'm about to head off travelling the world. i don't have a plan (well, except for japan -> asia -> australiasia -> who knows) and it feels good. i'm diving in, headfirst.

if you're not happy, change it. don't think about things that could go wrong because it'll scare you off.

you only live once.

Posted by mark @ 20 october 2004 11:35 PM AEST

You would be a lovely National Geographic photographer :) Travelling around the world to capture the beauty of the Earth. Have you ever considered the option?

Posted by Ale @ 21 october 2004 12:05 AM AEST

ah! you've got wanderlust! that bug hit me too after a 3 wk vacation in europe. the thought of taking a 1 yr break to go around the world sounded so appealing then, but not practical.

but yes, change is in the works and you'll know what to do once you get there. vague, i know, but like everyone who commented before me -- follow your dreams, you can do it!

Posted by marie @ 21 october 2004 12:32 AM AEST

Boy, your glass if half empty, isn't it?! Buck up, there are people out there worse off than you. If you want to change your life, than JUST DO IT!

Posted by Jada @ 21 october 2004 02:17 AM AEST

I'll be the first and the last person out there to shout out loud: "Head first!" I just graduated; in my first real world job but my heart and mind is wandering all over the world, lingering in certain scenes of mist covered hill-top villages; endlessness of ocean beaches; small town cafes and all those beautiful travel memories.

Not that I don't thank God each day for this life, but sometimes the mundaness and all this growing up is draining all the soul within. *hugz there; we'll find new memories to nourish the soul again - we just need to set a clear goal and then HEAD FIRST ! No doubt you'll get there - you certainly got a lot of it in you , girl :)

Posted by April @ 21 october 2004 02:47 AM AEST

thanks for the comments so far, everyone

yep, i could be ALOT worse off but i feel if i can change it - i should

the problem is with a travelling type of career - is that i don't want to leave my husband behind. we've had enough of the seperation for a while yet, so anything i do, i want to do at least in this country... at least for now

i'm brainstorming!

Posted by tracey @ 21 october 2004 08:26 AM AEST

Oh then you can definitely start in your own hometown. Changing job is the first part of your new life. Be patient but also be ready to jump to new experiences! Sooner or later, you and your hubby will be travelling the world together!! I'm defintely sure you two will!

Posted by Amy @ 21 october 2004 09:03 AM AEST

tracey i promise it will get better right now my life tends to suck as it is lacey and i (she is was best friend) is very mad at me and hates me so i swear it will get better luv to regan and u

Posted by kim @ 22 october 2004 03:49 AM AEST

man, its wierd how you think about things in your life and feel like you're the only one. but it turns out there's so many other people out there, feeling the same thing!

it's like i feel i need some change, i started 6mos ago in this position and already i feel i need to move on, it's like evolution for yourself, you need it and keep searching for it, maybe its because you're young or something

office jobs just seem so monotonous sometimes and they seem the suck the life out of you until it's time to go, all i think about is getting i want to be outside, i wanna go out into the sunshine and it really does drain you, since you don't have any kids yet i'd say go for it! do something about it!

Posted by lily @ 22 october 2004 04:10 AM AEST

Hear ! Hear ! Your amongst friends about this. I've been feeling the same since a week in Tokyo in Sept.

As per others. If your not encumbered with kids, mortgages and the like. Then experience things. Nothing worse then regrets.

Or at least balance the broing bits with more fun.

Its a constant battle. But the soul needs feeding as well. More so to feel good about yourself.

Posted by Andrew @ 22 october 2004 01:36 PM AEST