like pulling off a bandaid, i went back to work today and just got straight into it. i checked all 28,000+ emails waiting for me, i looked at what work was more urgent than the rest, i cleared some space on the computer, i started learning the new project management software we’re now using. 8 hours of sitting in an uncomfortable office chair (dear god by back ACHES already without having to sit in the torture chair), staring at the computer’s monitors that gave me a headache too fast than usual.
it pretty much sucked.
i just don’t think i can do it anymore, and it’s not that it’s hard work or that i feel incompetent – it’s the opposite. i’ve been there for so long (7 years), that i feel that there’s not much else to learn. it’s not the people, my boss is great – it’s the work.
of course, i’ll give it time. it was only the first day back, afterall. but i’ve felt like this for at least the past couple of years, made some changes within the job to see whether it got more challenging/interesting for me. now that i know how good it is doing something else day to day, i feel like i’m wasting my life/time.
i know there is something else out there for me, but i also know i have this responsibility now to provide and contribute to my family and i’m very grateful for what i have now. i think to get to where i want to be will not be a quick transition, but at least i’d know what i’m supposed to do..
oi.
Jen •