so cut back to 3-4 months ago, to a time where i was working more than 12 hours a day. a self imposed exile to my office just so i could make someone else happy. did it work? yes and no. they were happy, the work was complete – but then it came to a point where we all expected more, just because it magically happend the last time.
not a great place to be when you’re that magical fairy.
during the last week or so, i really looked back at all this craziness and asked myself – what are you doing?
why do you do these things to yourself? what are you trying to prove?
i suffer from the disease to please – and while that is fine in concentrated areas of your life, it’s no way to live your life.
last night, for the first time in YEARS, i didn’t go up to my office (in our spare bedroom). i came and sat on the couch, opened a book and just sat. Regan had to do a double take, usually once the kids are in bed, i’m busy working on everything but myself. i do love keeping up my blogging, but it doesn’t take all night anymore. i’m up all night trying to find the meaning of life, when life is passing me by.
it felt like a revelation, to just sit. it felt like a revolution and i feel like the weight’s been lifted off my shoulders for the first time in ages.
why spend 20 hours doing something that’s not giving me 20 hours of happiness in return? 20 hours a week, 52 weeks in a year – that’s alot of time wasted…. and i don’t want waste any more time if i can help it. so i’m putting the end to a ridiculous schedule of my ‘free time’ to just be free.
is there anything in your life that you can or would like to give up?
