just do it.

Typically, I have been sitting here for 2 hours TRYING to get some blog stuff done, but have done nothing so far. LOL.

Jasper & Jovie are at school and Milesy decided to go to Grandma’s today – which gives me about 4 hours of ‘me time’ and I choose to sit and procrastinate like a pro. I have big ideas of updating my blog theme and then blogging about something interesting and fantastic – but nope, I’ve had 2 cups of tea and read Facebook about 5 times over. But that’s a good thing, isn’t it? Time for your brain to just do whatever it wants.

I stopped blogging over a year ago because things just didn’t seem interesting in my life – when in fact, there was tonnes going on and I just wanted to keep it to ourselves for a bit.

Jovie started school last year – she’s now in Year 1 and loving it. Last year, exactly a year ago actually, her seizures started. Pretty much on cue for Rett Syndrome, seizures ‘usually’ start by the time they are 6. And it did. So most of the year was spent on first learning about seizures, what to do, what they mean for Jovie, how to cope with them. There were lots of days off school last year, lots of days where she’d have a few seizures and then lots of days where she’d had none. Then she got very sick with a nasty UTI (her first one ever, and no real outward symptoms). We ended up having to call an ambulance and she stayed at the kids hospital for a few days – we are lucky that it was ‘only’ a UTI, but it was pretty full on. It’s not a nice thing to see your baby girl unresponsive and continually seizing… Don’t get me started on seeing her have a seizure while you’re driving alone with her. Heart stopping.

Jasper is growing to be a very curious and funny young man – he’s 8 now, and it’s an interesting thing to have this 8 year old that you have to grow and be very aware of. He’s in Year 3 this year, great at Math and of course still loves his Terraria and Minecraft and Agario. He feels alot of things, he’s always been very empathetic. I don’t like to blog/instagram about his life too much. He’s got his own stories to tell.

Miles is now 2 and a half and is nuts. But in a good way. He’s talking our arms off, he’s got his own jokes, he’s copying is brother all the time, he’s very sweet with Jovie. I’m so glad I get to spend the next couple of years with him before he goes to school, just us. And Grandma, of course. It’s really cool to see him grow into this funny little dude that just wants a kiss from his mum, because he just wants to watch YouTube on your phone…

Regan is wonderful as always. We’ve been married for 12 years now, 12! We’ve been through so much together, and we’ll only get stronger.

Me? Last year was a relevation for me. My anxiety disorder felt like it was taking over – and it did. And I got sick of it. So I started talking to a (new, awesome) psychologist every now and then, and I took control of my life. I’ve gone back to being gluten free and have cut out as much refined sugar and processed foods as possible. My guts were just suffering – not only from anxiety but by the stuff I was putting inside of me – and I feel better for it. I did lost a bunch of weight, about 18kgs, but it was never about that. It was about clearing my body and my head, and learning about what was good for me.

I still struggle with my mind, but it gets easier. As last year was being honest with myself about my mental health, this year needs to be about adventure and trust. My brain still feels like I have limits, but I need to explore the world and figure out who I am now, at almost 35.

I’ve gotten into doing little creative things, which used to be me ALL THE TIME (remember the photography projects? or even me just taking heaps of photos in general? lol). I still love photography, but I love drawing, and color, and pattern and design. I’ve been toying with an idea about a podcast, but then again I don’t want to talk about anxiety all.the.time. I love stretching (because an entire yoga class just is too long for me, lol), and I love being mindful and practising gratitude daily. I don’t know whether I’ll blog heaps again, but I need an outlet for just ‘me’ stuff. I want to fundraise for Jovie’s Tobii computer this year (anyone got a spare $30K?) and I want to do good.

I realise that my anxiety disorder may never go away – I will always have some sort of level of it around. But I need to keep it at bay by living life and setting goals. And this –

the truth

So that’s an update in a nutshell. I hope the next update isn’t too far away x


Brigette @ Honey and BeanFebruary 27th, 2016 at 9:08 pm

Hello! Ive just been doing a bit of backstalking on your blog (the ‘this chick is awesome and I want to read everything kind, not the crazy kind’)

I get the worry that comes with seeing your child sick, been there many times, and even as a nurse it’s still the most terrifying, heart wrenching experience.

ErinMarch 22nd, 2016 at 11:13 pm

Hi Tracey! You photographed my wedding a decade ago (marriage ended shortly thereafter!) and I’ve been following you around the net in a non-creepy way since.
I’m so happy to see you’re in a good place, but sorry to hear about Jovie, those seizures sound horrific. My dog was having seizures until her death last year and it scared the shit out of me, can’t imagine watching my baby girl go through the same thing.
It’s nice to read your blogs again!

TraceyMarch 28th, 2016 at 3:07 pm

Erin! Thank you so much for commenting- I’m sorry to hear about the marriage, but I am glad that you’ve been a non-creepy stalker 🙂

Brigette – thank you. It’s our ‘new normal’ xx

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