i finally got around to clearing out my closet and, surprisingly, it was really sad …
starting from the drawers full of stuff that i knew i didn’t like anyway, and then going through my prized pieces, my absolute favourites – slowly one by one i tried them each on, and slowly one by one they didn’t fit.
i know it must sound so silly, but seeing each cool tshirt and every lovely dress that i’ve bought and worn with joy get thrown into the “doesn’t fit” pile broke my heart. it’s like saying goodbye to who i was before, and having to start again.
of course, i realise that i have a gorgeous baby boy to be so so thankful for (and i am!!) but with every piece of clothing that didn’t fit me, the nail was hammered further into the wood – i’ve changed and i need to find out who i am again.
now you’re probably saying “damn girl, just buy a size larger now” but it’s not that simple – i think what you wear on your outside is a reflection of who you are on the inside. so it’s a big thing when you’re forced to start again, and where do you start? each item that you get is part of your history, so like a hunter i’ll need to find the things that will become part of who i think i am. it’ll be interesting, it’ll be fun – but most of all, it’ll be me. again.
p.s. for the record – it’s my hips and my rib cage (and feet and fingers) that has expanded, so unless you know a way to shrink bone back, i’ve gone up a size. i’m totally fine with that part – i don’t think i’m fat, i think i look pretty damn good for someone who had a baby 8 weeks ago 😛 but that doesn’t change the fact that i am now bigger than before. all that seems to fit me now are a couple of shirts and shorts and that’s it.
dawnm •