Posted on January 8th, 2008 by Tracey
second day back was even worse
i started at 8.30am but by 9am i was on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out.
i didn’t go back in today, i feel a bit lost.
i know it’s supposed to get better, but it really really sucks in the meantime.
Posted on January 7th, 2008 by Tracey
like pulling off a bandaid, i went back to work today and just got straight into it. i checked all 28,000+ emails waiting for me, i looked at what work was more urgent than the rest, i cleared some space on the computer, i started learning the new project management software we’re now using. 8 hours of sitting in an uncomfortable office chair (dear god by back ACHES already without having to sit in the torture chair), staring at the computer’s monitors that gave me a headache too fast than usual.
it pretty much sucked.
i just don’t think i can do it anymore, and it’s not that it’s hard work or that i feel incompetent – it’s the opposite. i’ve been there for so long (7 years), that i feel that there’s not much else to learn. it’s not the people, my boss is great – it’s the work.
of course, i’ll give it time. it was only the first day back, afterall. but i’ve felt like this for at least the past couple of years, made some changes within the job to see whether it got more challenging/interesting for me. now that i know how good it is doing something else day to day, i feel like i’m wasting my life/time.
i know there is something else out there for me, but i also know i have this responsibility now to provide and contribute to my family and i’m very grateful for what i have now. i think to get to where i want to be will not be a quick transition, but at least i’d know what i’m supposed to do..
oi.
Posted on January 6th, 2008 by Tracey
so today is the last day of my maternity leave – tomorrow i start back at work full time.
i’ve been preparing myself for this, for the last 2 weeks, i knew it was coming. but it still doesn’t stop my sadness. i’ll miss taking care of my little Jasper during the day – i’ll probably only see him for a hour when he wakes up, and then a couple of hours before he goes to sleep (and of course on weekends) as he’s pretty much on a 7am wake up, 9pm go to bed schedule.
i feel like i’m going to be missing a huge chunk of his life (he’s giving us daily giggles now!!) but i gotta do what i gotta do – we can’t all just stop working unfortunately. i know Regan would love to be a stay at home dad too and he works so hard for us. i think this makes me plan and work harder, because i certainly don’t want this to be permanent.
just gotta win that lotto. just once please! 😛
i feel that these past 9 weeks have been so amazing and so comfortable, that my ‘past life’ is where i want it to be… in the past. but on the other hand, i know i can do my job and that i need to think about our family now. i’ve been sort of toying with the idea of getting back into professional photography, but to be honest my confidence is shot and i don’t know whether i have enough talent and stamina to work like that again.