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don’t hold your breath

Rett Syndrome is an interesting thing.

One minute you can be reading up on things that are yet to present themselves in your daughter, and the next – she’s doing it.

Jovie has been hyperventilating and swallowing air for at least a year now, and I used to say thank goodness she’s not holding her breath. (Because it’s one less thing we have to keep an eye on..). But low and behold a few weeks ago, she’s started to hold her breath. Sometimes for a few seconds, sometimes a few seconds more that I’m comfortable with. Her belly expands to what looks like 8 months pregnant to me, and she arches her back to make her bump even bumpier.


I could probably take a better photo of her tummy pre & post inflation, but you get the idea. It’s big enough to stretch out her clothes.

She’s not distressed by it. Together with the air swallowing and hyperventilation, it’s just made her heaps gassier and she now can burp like a frat boy and fart like one too.

But it’s interesting how a genetic mutation makes your body do things like holding your breath or swallow air. In the same way my own DNA makes me short and my hair black, Rett makes you do things that you just can’t change.

the truth is raw

I wasn’t sure what was going to be harder to ask for – a pap smear or a referral to see a psychologist – but today was the day I would find out.

Both things were due, but admitting that I needed to talk to a professional was tough. I’ve always tried to be steady and calm, especially everything that’s happened with Jovie in the last year or so. I always thought that things will and do sort themselves out, and I still believe that. But I also think that being brave is also admitting that you’re not coping.

Turns out the pap smear was a cake walk.

And I’ll start unravelling and putting back my head next Monday at 3.

edited to add – this article came at the right time!

the little things

thinking back, I don’t think i’ve ever specifically shown Jovie a bunch of flowers before… so after I had bought my mum some posies yesterday, I showed them to her up close and she LOVED them ..

She stared at them for ages, look away and stare again. She grabbed onto the flowers & the plastic and would smile and smile.

I forget how ‘new’ things are to little kids, and how much joy simple things like flowers can bring.

I think I’m going to buy flowers once or month from now on, just for Jovie