so it’s been a few days since my grandmother passed away. it’s given me some time to think why i’m so upset – i didn’t really know her all that well, she lived in a different country and spoke a different language. i think what’s most upsetting is of the situation my mother and my grandmother were in, and how that relates between Regan’s mother, Regan and any future grandkids we might have too. i feel so guilty to have that ‘automatic’ distance between our families. i don’t know what we’re going to do other than make yearly trips back to/from the states. either way, someone misses out.
when we were back in KL in january, i looked into my grandmother’s eyes and saw my mother. i never really saw that before when i visited my grandmother as a kid, and i feel blessed that i had the opportunity as a woman to see that. it might sound strange, but she didn’t have to say anything to me (and couldn’t) to have an effect on me. looking back on it, i’m thankful i had as least that much between us.
when anyone passes away you start to think about your life and your family (at least i do). for me, i focus more on what’s important in my life and what i NEED to do. i hope this ‘need’ doesn’t go away.
Hilton • 